For the socially aspirational, determined to be the poshest person in the close, there can be only one tree: a lofty Norwegian Spruce (none of this sensible five-footer nonsense).The Duchess of Cambridge, chose a locally-grown 9ft specimen for her Norfolk home, Anmer Hall. She also picked out reels of gold gauze on a recent trip to a garden centre, perhaps following this year’s on-trend colour theme of using only metallic and copper baubles and lights. Posh as the Middletons: You are determinedly upwardly-mobile middle class (think Carole Middleton and Elizabeth Hurley)Unlike true toffs, who would never buy anything new for the tree (decorations, like furniture and jewels are always inherited), these socially aspirational decorations will be thrown away on the 12th day to make way for even bigger, and better, baubles next year. But I flinched at the £500 cost — the same as the average European minibreak. ‘A Norwegian Spruce is just right, with wide spaces between the branches, and the decoration is restrained.

But to be truly posh, your tree should be like your drawing room: nothing matching. And decorations really should be family hand-me-downs, not new.Expect to spend: £600 to £700. Wannabe WAG: You are a WAG wannabe from the top of your blow-dried hair to the tips of your acrylic nails The question is not just why Coleen Rooney created this gaudy, jumble of oversized bows and glitter, but how she found the time? My own attempt to emulate the ultimate WAG tree took six hours, and that didn’t include the two days spent finding bows big enough to cause an eclipse. Perhaps the wives of millionaire footballers have tree decor assistants. This has gone horribly wrong. Is it a Christmas tree or a wedding dress? Ribbon on a tree is rather naff, as are flowers. Less is definitely more when it comes to Christmas trees. ‘Pop-up’ now applies to everything from restaurants to tents. It’s the here now, gone tomorrow culture, designed for the Twitter generation who are too busy for actual sentences.

Too cool for Christmas: You are an all-tweeting, selfie-taking, instagraming lazy bones (basically, you’re anyone under 30 years old, living in a flat)Argos (who else?) has now produced the ‘pop-up’ Christmas tree, with sewn-on baubles, which takes less than 30 seconds to spring up. This would suit the sort of person who sends out Christmas e-cards and who will be glued to their phone on Christmas Day. home and decor museumIt’s a very loud ‘can’t-be-bothered, I-don’t-do-Christmas’ statement. light up christmas decorations outdoorI was on safe, middle-class mum ground here: drag the fake tree from John Lewis down from the loft, along with the ageing box of stringy tinsel and dismembered baubles, then add chocolate decorations.house decor ideas tumblr

Solidly middle class: Resolutely middle-class, a la Kate Winslet and Jane AsherAs my husband struggles to find which faulty bulb is derailing the fairy lights, I perform emergency surgery on the 25-year-old angel — where are her legs? Add some sentimental decorations made by the children while in nursery school and voila! A lovely mismatched family offering. Tinsel’s not quite the thing, but children love it, so allowances can be made. what kind of paint for exterior steel doorYour baubles are a little big but at least you’ve not committed the vulgarity of buying new each year. home accents and wall decorWhite lights are right; cheap ideas for decorating christmas trees

never coloured or flashing. And the bashed-up angel is absolutely perfect. Any mother who lived through the Disney Frozen years will recognise this tree. Brilliant white, fibre-optic plastic and groaning with baubles featuring the images of the film’s heroines, Anna and Elsa. Lower middle class - and proud: You are unashamedly lower middle class (just like the Moffatt family from TV’s Gogglebox)When I put it up, it was a case of standing back and waiting for the starstruck stream of young girls to rush forward and start screaming: ‘I want one!’ You’ll get a lot of mockery for this. I don’t mind it. Vulgarity’s all right when it’s shameless. Never mind minimalist, this is the ‘Bah, Humbug!’ of Christmas trees. Most of the half an hour it took me to construct was given to artistically arranging the ‘branches’. It also comes with some very subtle built-in lights. Trendy Metropolitan: Metropolitan elitist class (artist Damien Hirst, designer Kelly Hoppen or Vogue editor Anna Wintour)To try and cheer it (and me) up, I hung five red baubles on its branches.

But really, there is only one place for this tree and its not by the fireplace, it’s in the fireplace. Is the owner of this tree a Communist? Do they have no sense of fun and flamboyance? This little twig is nasty, skimpy and pointless. Expect the most severe social condemnation if you display it. If you like it, save it! Save and organize all of the stuff you love in one place. If you like something… Click the heart, it's called favoriting. Favorite the stuff you like. My family tree is very well-decorated at this time of year. My mother-in-law has been known to spend up to a week on her Christmas tree’s lights alone, so that each branch sparkles to perfection, illuminating the house (and her father would go so far as to saw off and reattach tree limbs to create the ideal tree shape). My mother’s current job includes decorating a public building toured by hundreds of visitors during the holidays: Starting in July, she works with a team to pick a theme and create a winter wonderland with the help of local artists, school children, government agencies, and corporate sponsors.

These are some pretty big elf shoes to fill, and my current reality includes nowhere near the time, energy, or corporate sponsorship required to live up to this legacy. At this moment, my toddler son is sitting on my lap trying to “help” me type, and I am wearing workout clothes as an excuse for visibly needing to shower and not because I have exercised in the past month. I want my son’s Christmas memories to be full of wonder and beauty, but I could use a healthy portion of simplicity and rest this season. Although our tree may not be picture-perfect and polished, I have found it is possible to cook up a warm and enticing tree for my little family in just an afternoon without a team, a theme, or a recipe. 1. Select your tree. If you have a doctor’s note, a fake tree is acceptable. Otherwise, please show some respect for yourself and get the real deal. Choose the tree that speaks to you, bearing in mind that each variety has certain attributes and your options might depend on where you live:

With the right trimmings, a scrawny, little Charlie Brown tree can hold just as much magic and majesty as an eighteen-foot Douglas fir. Don’t forget to buy a tree stand, if you don’t have one already. 2. Set the mood and get in the spirit(s). Preheat your Christmas playlist and fix a seasonal cocktail or cup of peppermint tea. Nothing reconnects me to childlike wonder as much as an adult beverage and Amy Grant’s A Christmas Album, but whatever your holiday tune of choice, this step becomes absolutely essential when you are attempting to set up and straighten the tree. In my experience, I need some music to drown out any foul words that slip out while wrestling with a sappy, nine-foot fir. 3. Choose a vibe. Although I am not advocating for themed trees or anything but good vibes, I think it is worth pausing to consider your general aesthetic before launching into decoration mode. Think of your tree like a recipe: What flavors do you want to highlight in the melting pot of collected ornaments?

Do you want to cook up a natural and rustic, a vintage and nostalgic, a homespun and handmade, or a glam and glittering Christmas? Whatever your desired style, the easiest way to start pinpointing how it will come together is to see what ornaments you have on hand. Set aside the must-use box, and then consider what could be added to those pieces to complete the intended vibe (ribbon bows? Poke around your house before proceeding. White String Ball Light Strand 4. Light it up! Whether you opt for colored or white, big glass bulbs or blinking LED, lights are an essential ingredient for Christmas tree magic. To add depth, wrap lights around and down each branch towards the center of the tree (the more individual twigs you wrap, the more vibrant the effect will be). Hanging the lights can be a tedious, scratchy job, so be sure to refill your cocktail during this step. 5. Choose a unifier. Yes, I made up the term “unifier” here, but if you look for it, this concept is in all of the best Christmas trees.

A unifier is something that either wraps or is repeated throughout the tree, giving the tree a sense of unity, rhythm, and visual cohesion. This can be as simple as several dozen pinecones hanging from twine, a collection of gold ball ornaments peppered throughout, or a thick red ribbon swirling around the tree. Stringing popcorn and cranberries creates delicious and classy effect, but if you are afraid of mice, I recommend looking for a knobby yarn out of which you can knot into your own faux-popcorn chain. When I was growing up, my mother draped a chunky strand of wooden, cranberry-colored beads in swags around our tree, and on my family’s tree, I hang my collection of monogrammed silver bells given to me each Christmas by my aunt (yes, I am from the South). Whatever your unifier, it can help support the overall vibe of the tree and adds just a teaspoon of intentionality and design. 6. Mix in the ornaments. If you have pets or little ones, remember to hang the breakable ornaments high and safely out of reach.

Place some ornaments deeper within the branches to add texture and fullness, and the daintiest pieces on the most visible limbs. The best ornament collections are built over a lifetime. I love the rush of joy that comes when I unwrap mine each year: the heart shaped ornament my husband gave me three years before he ever asked me out, the ornament a family friend made from our wedding invitation, the stained glass ornament we bought together one Christmas in Paris, the picture of my sister’s face glued into a disposable ashtray and decorated with glitter that we love to ridicule.. Ceramic Glazed Holiday Ornaments (Set of 4) But if you are just starting your collection, there are ways to fill the tree without spending much money or rushing out to buy impersonal decorations. As long as you have a decent enough relationship with parents or older family members to avoid a drawn-out custody battle over ornaments, I recommend stealing back some of your favorite childhood ornaments.

If you have young children, just wait: After just two weeks of school in the month of December, you will have ample reindeer made of clothespins, wreaths made of pom-poms, and angels made of doilies. If you don’t have children, start hanging out with your neighbor’s preschooler and you can copy his crafts. Tie ribbons around small toys or household objects like ribbon spools to fill in the gaps on your tree. Consider hosting a Christmas cocktail party and having each guest make an ornament for the tree. Then, make a New Year’s resolution to start building your ornament collection in 2016.Like all great ladies, a tree needs a hat. Buy or make a star or angel for a traditional topper, or simply tie a big red bow on the highest branch. With a little paper or fabric or wire, you can make a simple star to top your tree, or consider breaking with tradition and using a shiny gold paper crown or a cluster of flowers as a topper. A tree skirt , a quilt, or a few yards of fabric can hide the tree stand, or simply go ahead and start stacking the presents under your now magnificent tree.